Sitting and waiting

Here I am on a Wednesday sitting in the Palomar college library. Its quiet in here with only the sounds of faint whispers and typing on keyboards. I am in here just killing time waiting for an appointment with my counselor to figure out what I am doing with myself and my future.
I just recently started back at school which felt like a huge step for me, when giving myself excuses why not to come back weighed pretty heavy. After overcoming the fear of doing something that is not an inherent danger to my well being, I couldn't give myself any more excuses why not to do this. It just seemed like the right thing to do especially since I had just been laid off from a job that I didn't even like but stayed at for years regardless.

Months prior to my lay off I had made it a habit to send out resumes and apply for different postings I came across, but there were two little things that stopped me from finding a career that I could find interest in. The first was that I live in Southern California where the population is pretty ridiculous thus making finding a job somewhat competitive. The second was that I only have a high school diploma and certificates from vocational training I have had, neither of which seemed to stand out in the eyes of an employer. At one point in the summer of 08 I felt like I was going to have a major breakdown, feeling so lost I didn't really know my place in the world. I would have to say this was one of the most confusing times in my life, but I would also have to say it was good for me because it forced me to re-evaluate where I stood in life.

With the positive encouragement of my girlfriend Beth and everyone close to me deciding to make a change didn't seem nearly as frightening as I had perceived it. The first step I took was to evaluate what kinds of jobs interested me and what I could see myself doing without waking up the morning of work dreading a day of doing something I had no interest in.

So in the longrun I feel working towards something I actually want to do feels alot more conforting than jumping into something right away just because its convienent.